In a region where lifetimes of family-based morals have taught us that it’s “not okay” to be single – and, therefore, alone, helpless, vulnerable, unsupported, etc – a new generation of Asians are finding self-definition and fulfilment in the concept of self-partnership. Our new love languages break down the hows and whys.
Traditional Asian values dictate that one’s purpose in life is to seek fulfilment, belonging and self-identity in the form of marital partnership. For proof, look no further than aunties asking the eternal question, “So when are you going to get married, huh?” But, cut to Asia in the 21st century, and rapid urbanisation combined with digitisation and shifts in human geography have culminated in a transformation in Asian ideals, especially amongst a younger generation of Asians.
From Kuala Lumpur to Ho Chi Minh, young Asians are now exploring fulfilment through a wider range of personal choices. Concepts like sologamy, #nomarriage, and Emma Watson’s “self-partnering” are no longer thought of as liberal western concepts, but emerging across Asia. Throw in a pandemic that forced everyone to socially distance from other people, and you don’t just have the acceptance, but now a more widespread celebration of the single way of life across the continent.
This shift in mindset and values brings new meaning to self-definition that runs deeper than the Western notion of Beyonce’s hand-raising anthem of singlehood. It affects how urban Asians spend their time and money on themselves, their close relations, and ultimately, on how they operate in their communities. It could even mean a shift in the oft-noted model of Asian collectivism – one that moves away from communal interdependency as the basis of individual fulfilment, to a system where a foundation of whole individuals come together to contribute to the wider collective.
Nor is shift actually limited to single Asians. In this new era of self-partnership, young Asians – even those in relationships – are now discovering new ways of pursuing individual fulfilment, which we have mapped onto a reconsidered set of “Love Languages”. Initially developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D, these five well-known categories describe universal styles of communicating love. But instead of being tethered to expressing love to a romantic partner, here’s how the new love languages are now dedicated to loving oneself in Asia.
Words of Affirmation
From
Receiving or giving verbal affection
To
Verbalising what I connect to
Trend
“Mantra-soothing”
*
How do you share words of affirmation to yourself? The Insta-quote is the evolution of the old “motivational post-it on your mirror”. Bite-sized affirmations, thoughts, and values proliferate on social media, allowing the self-partnered to connect, verbalise, and amplify their points of view – all without needing the validation of a romantic partner. But this phenomenon isn’t just virtue signaling. Social media has been a key tool in building online communities like @mysafesphere, facilitating connections across causes, movements, and ideologies.
Gifts
From
Receiving presents
To
Investments in yourself
Trend
“Self-mastery”
*
For the self-partnered, gifts no longer need to be from a romantic other. They have moved from material symbols of love, to the attainment of self-mastery. Indeed they say, knowledge is power. Whether it be seeking inspiration from other cultures or attaining goals, the self-partnered views gifting (oneself) as a long-term investment that’s priceless. Masterclass, anyone? This leveled-up version of self-care also extends to areas such as alternative healing, with offerings such as Como Shambhala Estate’s ayurvedic programme in Bali giving ancient wisdoms a new, aspirational face.
Quality Time
From
Special moments together
To
Activities for one-on-one time
Trend
“Languid pursuits”
*
What better way to combat COVID fatigue or isolation-boredom than with all types of actual 19th century pursuits? Bread-making, kombucha-brewing, gardening, pasta-making, and knitting aren’t just the work of homebound women anymore, they’re everyone’s new hobbies – but especially the self-partnered.
These time-consuming labours foster a connection to the analog world’s sensorial pleasures, and also promote a sense of ownership and fulfillment, no matter what the outcome. Of note: these #slowlife and #awayfromdesk activities also aren’t exclusive to females anymore, with Asian males spending as much or more money on their plant babies and fermentation kits as their female counterparts.
Physical Touch
From
Using touch to express love
To
A new connection with the senses
Trend
“A tactile life”
*
Self-gratification, a term often met with a raised eyebrow in Asia, has transformed into a reconsideration of the sights, sounds, and feelings that we surround ourselves with. From dry brushing to forest bathing and sound meditation, the self-partnered seeks pleasure in experiences that immerse the senses. Malaysian beauty brand Chuck & Co.’s “self love creams” tap into this trend, and so do Palm Ave Float Club’s float pods, which offer a deeper dive (literally) into the self. On the auditory side of things, the Singaporean non-profit festival Universe of Sound brings participants from all over Asia together with the idea of sound as a means of achieving wellness.
Acts of Service
From
Thoughtful acts for a partner
To
Contributing self to community
Trend
“A tactile life”
*
At the very least, the tumult of 2020 has spurred young affluent Asians to create purposeful change. In particular, many self-partnered look to better their communities through acts of giving that go beyond the donation of money or goods. Throughout the year, we saw the rise of individual and collective skill-sharing as a means of giving back; for instance, the creation of Making Meaning, an online platform that connects creators to non-profit communities that are in need of design assistance. We also saw community service kick off in novel formats including chat groups, such as Hopes in Meals Volunteers, which crowdsources delivery volunteers to help get meals to the tables of people in need. More and more, the self-partnered derive a sense of purpose and belonging by looking outward and redefining their roles in their communities. Ultimately, this contributes to the evolved perception (and self-perception) of the self-partnered themselves – from tangential outliers to central players; from supporting act to agent of change.
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